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Tuesday, April 28, 2009

My testimony

I was born in a small fishing village in Newfoundland into a large family. I am the youngest of 11 children. I have 4 sisters and 6 brothers. My dad worked on a fishing boat as an engineer My dad was an abusive alcoholic, and when I was 2 or 3 years old, my mother had decided to leave Dad and took myself and two of my older siblings with her. We moved to a neighboring town and lived there for 6 months I am told. Then we moved to another town and stayed in that town for 13 awful years. Because mom was not educated, or had any employable skills, we relied on social assistance to keep us alive. It was really hard and I don't know how Mom did it, with no help. She was rejected by many people who blamed her for the breakup of the home. At this new town, I was an easy target for bullying. I would start to cry if the wind changed. In grade 6 a lot of kids started to call me a name that I will not disclose at this time. I distinctly remember it being at recess time that they first called me by that name. So, as you can probably guess by now, my self image was all messed up. I was fearful of walking down the street for fear of who might be there waiting to pick a fight with me. I got rocks and eggs thrown at me, people would not even sit on the bus for fear of being contaminated by me, thrown down flights of stairs and just about no one wanted to be friends with me. I got depressed often and had nowhere to turn.

My mother showed me love in her own way, but it never got through to me. She thought that taking me everywhere would prove that she loved me. But I didn't feel that loved. And my dad never came to see me, sent cards or called me. My other friends had dads in their lives and I missed that very much.

I spent alot of time alone in my room because the kids in the neighborhood bullied me and I often walked home as quietly and quickly as I could for fear that one of them would beat me up. At age 13 I decided that in order to fit in and make friends was to get a boyfriend and be a wild party girl. Maybe then, I would finally be accepted. Hang out with the cool kids and life would be better. Maybe. It worked for a while, even to the point that at the age of 15, I had a real boyfriend and we would hang out with each other and sometimes a group of us would party together. And then we moved again. This time it was out of province to Cape Breton, Nova Scotia. I was back to being alone. But there was no bullying, so it wasn't so bad. I could handle being alone, I thought. My older brother had moved out of the house at that point and so it was just me and mom. I could walk down the street and not fear anything. Finally relief. Like a typical teen, I wanted to have fun. I had several so called boyfriends there who were much older than I was. I started going to the clubs and thought it was so cool. I lived there for 2 years and found some friends who liked to do the same things I did. At 17, I had figured it was time to get out from living with my mother and make it on my own. I'd almost finished school, but had enough of the fighting with mom. My brother had offered to have me come share an apartment with him in Newfoundland, so thats what I did. I moved in with him in the following August and got some part time jobs at various retail places.
Fast forward to 8 years and God was really starting to call out to me. He wanted me to come to Him, but I felt really unworthy to come to Him. I had enough of the party girl lifestyle and wasnt happy at all. I had made some drinking buddies and had gone to university and learned about all these interesting things. But I still felt unloved and desperately wanted to be accepted and loved. I'd had two live in boyfriends and they could not love me like I needed and wanted to be loved. A friend of a friend had become one of my friends. She was a single mother pregnant with twins. She loved me and accepted me and showed me that being a Christian was fun. I had gone to Anglican churches and United church and it was nice sometimes and I really felt God's presence at times. But it had never been fun. She invited me to her church and I don't remember anything the pastor preached. I cried almost the whole time. I gave my heart to Jesus to be my Lord the following week. A lady there wrapped her arms around me and told me that no matter what I felt about myself, He loved me no matter what. I have been a Christian now for 11 years now and have been so blessed. I am very thankful for all that God has brought into my life and for giving me that love that I desperately wanted and searched for all my life. I will never go back to that old life.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Today's devotional "Never Give Up"

Luke 15:1-10, John 5: 1-8
This past week, God has taught me about not giving up no matter what. You see, this past month has been hard for my family. There is stuff going on that could be very discouraging to anyone. I have been complaining about having to do what needs to be done. We are also in the midst of spring cleaning and it seems so overwhelming because it never seems to be done. I just want to give up, but that isn't an option now. He showed me these two stories about these people in order to open my eyes about their persistence and the different attitudes they had about their situation. In the first story, Jesus talks about the lost sheep and how the Shepherd goes and looks for the one lost sheep and doesn't stop looking until He finds that one and brings it home to the flock and rejoices over it. You see, for me, I have read that passage probably about a million times and always took it at face value, about salvation. Which of course is true. But then you read about the woman and the lost coin and how this woman loses her coin, which is about a day's wages, and doesn't stop looking until its found. She didn't give up until she found her treasured coin. Then she rejoiced about it. She was persistent like the Shepherd was persistent. Then as you read the story about the healing of the paralyzed man who was lame for 38 years, waiting to get into this special healing pool. You see, the pool only healed once a year by swirling up and only one person a year who dipped themselves into this pool got healed. Then along comes Jesus. Sweet, compassionate Jesus. Jesus asked him if he wanted to get healed. Then he starts complaining, "I can't sir. I don't have anyone to help me into the pool when the water gets stirred up. While I am trying to get there, someone else always gets in ahead of me." Then Jesus told him, "Stand up, pick up your sleeping mat and walk!"
And of course he was healed, but he had to do his part. I can imagine how annoyed Jesus must have been. It basically told me to shut up complaining and get the job done, no matter what. Everything is a process and as the Apostle Paul says he will finish the race no matter what happens to him. (Phil 3:12-14). So I am not going to give up on anything until the race is done. I will keep on keeping on. If you are feeling discouraged today, please remember that God is there for you. He promises that He will never leave you or forsake you. The Bible is full of that promise. You can stand on that promise.

Father, I thank You that You promise that You will never leave me nor forsake me. Thank You that You are here to hold us in the shadow of Your wings, (Psalm 91) and that as a loving Father you discipline us in love, when we need it. As we focus on You and Your word, please change our hearts and attitudes to be more like Jesus.

My very first blog

Hey everyone, I would like to welcome you to my new blog. Thanks for checking it out. My intentions are to talk about my life, my family and my walk with God. I am a born again evangelical Christian who is madly in love with Jesus Christ who paid the price for my sins on Calvary. I accepted Him as my Lord and Savior on March 28, 1998 and life has not been the same since. A few months after accepting Christ into my heart, I moved here after completing a Criminology Certificate at Memorial University of Newfoundland. My family members keep trying to get me to come back home but that is not happening. You see, I met the man of my dreams here, and the rest kind of fell into place. I have been here 11 years next month and its great here. Yeah I miss my family and the ocean but I really cannot complain. God has blessed me here and hasn't told me to leave yet, so we are going to be here until that changes. Let me tell you about my family. My husband Will is an amazing man. He is very charismatic and everyone loves him. He makes me laugh like no other and I am truly blessed by his love. He is super smart too and is a Financial Consultant with a mission to educate people on how to manage money God's way. He is my sexy biker guy. We met at our church 10 years ago this month and got married in August 2000. We do most everything together. We love to camp, hike in the Rocky Mountains, and watching movies together. We have a beautiful daughter named Madison who is 6 going on 13. She is in grade one at a great school where the teachers and staff know your name. She is a little social butterfly like her daddy, but shy sometimes like me. She is smart, funny and actually loves vegetables! And then there's Belle who is our super cute, cuddly and cranky cat. She is 11 years old, fat and lazy. She thinks she owns this house so much so that our newest addition to the family, Teesha, our 5 year old Golden Lab cross, is afraid of her. We got Teesha in Jan of this year at the Humane Society and its been a blast. She is so much fun and I think I have lost a few pounds walking her all the time.
Anyways, thanks for coming for the visit and I look forward to my next post. Have a great day and God bless you.

Your new friend, Tanya